Daughter, crying
Mom, sleeping
Family, worrying - traveling
Twin, passing
Sister, mourning
April 11, 2019
Since April is National Poetry Month, my students and I have been writing poetry. Thank you, Kwame Alexander, for inspiring the format of my poem. #verselove2019 #poetry
In the novel Someone Else's Shoes by Jojo Moyes, the psychologist tells Phil that when people are at their lowest, they often look at things through a glass of negativity. That hit home with me. How many times do I do this? How do I make it stop? Or better yet, how to I notice it and keep myself from going down that negativity hole?
Just yesterday, I was thinking to myself, "How can I be surrounded by people and feel lonely?" Today, I am going to make myself reach out even more with people. Make myself be seen so I can battle that feeling of loneliness.
One step at a time, right?
Tomorrow is Hope's birthday! She'll be 24 years old!!!
Twenty-four years ago, Mike and Jacob and I woke up on a Saturday, went to Jake's Place, cleaned and prepped the building, and locked the doors for the last time. We went to Sue and Joe's to spend the night. (I think they were divorced at that time so it was just Sue's house). On Sunday morning, Aunt Helen and Sue were at church, we were going to meet them at Shoney's Restaurant afterwards.
Stepping out of the shower, I looked at Mike and said, "I think my water just broke."
"Really? Lay down! Let me check!"
As I went to sit on the bed and lean back, the water squirted out. "It's definitely broken." This was the only time I had left my bag at home in Dubach. Ugh.
"Let's go! We've got to get to the hospital right now!" he exclaimed, anxiously. We had just read Reba McEntire's novel where her water had broken, and she almost lost her son.
"Let me call Shoney's," I said. "We've got to let Sue and Aunt Helen know we won't be eating lunch." We called and ended up going by the church to let Sue know where we were. Then, we headed to the hospital. My doctor was off for the weekend so the on-call doctor - Dr. Harper, who had delivered Devin - was the one called in.
We settled in the room. Nurses got me all hooked up to IVs and blood pressure monitor. They added pitocin to the drip. This, I found out later, would quicken the delivery.
"Sweet Magnolias" was on the TV. There really was no pain. I was hooked up for my epidural. After having Jacob, I had decided that was the route to go. I could easily feel when to push. This epidural was different. This one had a continuous drip and kept the medication even where the one with Jacob had to be added to the IV as it would wear off. That one was really strong at first so I felt absolutely nothing and would wear off so I would feel everything. With Hope, I could feel the muscles contracting without the pain. She came quickly. At 4:04, she made her entrance. Jacob was the first to get to hold her. He was a proud big brother! We all loved her even before she was born.
Trying this writing in each class today. Man! I hope I can come up with a topic. :)
This group is sweet. There is one squirrelly boy. Several strong leaders. Using the seating chart activity is helping me know who is who. I will definitely use it next year. As far as this year goes, it's going to be interesting. Lots of good kids! My staying power is questionable. I chose the word PERSEVERANCE as the word that will inspire me. I CAN keep going. :)
What you are: kindness, intelligence, gentleness
What you are not: trauma, anger, insecurity
Positive
Events
Reeling
Somewhere
Events
Verifiable
Equality
Reverence
A
Nuance
Change
E
The word perseverance has too many Es! I started with a great acrostic and it was flowing, but those Es got in the way.
Two. Is that the magic number? One today; one yesterday. Crazy, right?! It can only get better. At least, that's the thinking. So many battles. To prove who you are. Who you are not. That never ends, I believe.
The cool green water splashed my foot. It's opaque mint green. The Bottomless Lakes are extremely deep and Hope has wanted to be on them since she moved here months ago. We are sitting in this pedal boat with bright orange life jackets. We are in the center of the lake. Sun is hot; wind is cool. Water is cold. Best of all, we are together.
It's been a whirlwind of transition this summer for our family. Jacob married Loren and moved into our home in Keller. Hope graduated from law school and moved from Ohio to New Mexico. Mike and I moved to Magnolia. I started a teaching position at McCullough Junior High.
Unlike our usual custom, Halloween costumes were not requested in February this year. October arrived and the mere mention of trick-or-treating was a whisper. As the week of October 31 neared, we decorated with pumpkins and fall colors, but again costumes were ignored.
What's up with that? you may ask.
Well, Hope decided she was ready to visit a haunted house. She would miss trick-or-treating (and still handed out candy to little ones when we got home), but she wanted to move on to bigger things.
Mike found a small haunted house that looked to be scary but not terrifying.
As we stood in line, I could feel my heart beating with anticipation. The four senior girls standing in front of us were screaming and nothing scary was happening, yet. What if I screamed and the kids did not? Would that be embarrassing? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. Hope had on a brave face and told everyone she was not the least bit scared.
We entered the first room to pay the entry fee and the sweetest picture was right next to me: Jacob standing right behind Hope with his hands protectively on her shoulders. He was ready to be her knight-in-shining-armor without even being asked.
When we entered the next room, the thrill began. Hope was always right behind Jacob with his shirt in a death-grip; she later denied this. The pitch-black hallways with actors lurking were thrilling especially getting to see it through the eyes of my 10-year-old. As we exited the haunted house, the chainsaw guy was desperately trying to start his saw with no luck. Hope was ready to go again!
As a child and an adult,
I love to be outside.
You'd never guess that by being the temperature in my room at school.
I love growing plants,
being in the sunshine,
feeling free when the wind is blowing and I close my eyes.
I can be anywhere I dream to be.
The stresses and difficulties just wash off of me.
I remember sitting in the courtyard of the hotel we stayed in in Rome. I was sitting in the sun reading a play by Shakespeare. I remember the smells: the roses blooming not too far from me, the garlic from the soup from lunch. I also remember the night I needed someone to talk to -- to love. I sat in the courtyard and cried.
