Daughter, crying
Mom, sleeping
Family, worrying - traveling
Twin, passing
Sister, mourning
April 11, 2019
Since April is National Poetry Month, my students and I have been writing poetry. Thank you, Kwame Alexander, for inspiring the format of my poem. #verselove2019 #poetry
In the novel Someone Else's Shoes by Jojo Moyes, the psychologist tells Phil that when people are at their lowest, they often look at things through a glass of negativity. That hit home with me. How many times do I do this? How do I make it stop? Or better yet, how to I notice it and keep myself from going down that negativity hole?
Just yesterday, I was thinking to myself, "How can I be surrounded by people and feel lonely?" Today, I am going to make myself reach out even more with people. Make myself be seen so I can battle that feeling of loneliness.
One step at a time, right?
Tomorrow is Hope's birthday! She'll be 24 years old!!!
Twenty-four years ago, Mike and Jacob and I woke up on a Saturday, went to Jake's Place, cleaned and prepped the building, and locked the doors for the last time. We went to Sue and Joe's to spend the night. (I think they were divorced at that time so it was just Sue's house). On Sunday morning, Aunt Helen and Sue were at church, we were going to meet them at Shoney's Restaurant afterwards.
Stepping out of the shower, I looked at Mike and said, "I think my water just broke."
"Really? Lay down! Let me check!"
As I went to sit on the bed and lean back, the water squirted out. "It's definitely broken." This was the only time I had left my bag at home in Dubach. Ugh.
"Let's go! We've got to get to the hospital right now!" he exclaimed, anxiously. We had just read Reba McEntire's novel where her water had broken, and she almost lost her son.
"Let me call Shoney's," I said. "We've got to let Sue and Aunt Helen know we won't be eating lunch." We called and ended up going by the church to let Sue know where we were. Then, we headed to the hospital. My doctor was off for the weekend so the on-call doctor - Dr. Harper, who had delivered Devin - was the one called in.
We settled in the room. Nurses got me all hooked up to IVs and blood pressure monitor. They added pitocin to the drip. This, I found out later, would quicken the delivery.
"Sweet Magnolias" was on the TV. There really was no pain. I was hooked up for my epidural. After having Jacob, I had decided that was the route to go. I could easily feel when to push. This epidural was different. This one had a continuous drip and kept the medication even where the one with Jacob had to be added to the IV as it would wear off. That one was really strong at first so I felt absolutely nothing and would wear off so I would feel everything. With Hope, I could feel the muscles contracting without the pain. She came quickly. At 4:04, she made her entrance. Jacob was the first to get to hold her. He was a proud big brother! We all loved her even before she was born.
Trying this writing in each class today. Man! I hope I can come up with a topic. :)
This group is sweet. There is one squirrelly boy. Several strong leaders. Using the seating chart activity is helping me know who is who. I will definitely use it next year. As far as this year goes, it's going to be interesting. Lots of good kids! My staying power is questionable. I chose the word PERSEVERANCE as the word that will inspire me. I CAN keep going. :)
What you are: kindness, intelligence, gentleness
What you are not: trauma, anger, insecurity
Positive
Events
Reeling
Somewhere
Events
Verifiable
Equality
Reverence
A
Nuance
Change
E
The word perseverance has too many Es! I started with a great acrostic and it was flowing, but those Es got in the way.
Two. Is that the magic number? One today; one yesterday. Crazy, right?! It can only get better. At least, that's the thinking. So many battles. To prove who you are. Who you are not. That never ends, I believe.
The cool green water splashed my foot. It's opaque mint green. The Bottomless Lakes are extremely deep and Hope has wanted to be on them since she moved here months ago. We are sitting in this pedal boat with bright orange life jackets. We are in the center of the lake. Sun is hot; wind is cool. Water is cold. Best of all, we are together.
It's been a whirlwind of transition this summer for our family. Jacob married Loren and moved into our home in Keller. Hope graduated from law school and moved from Ohio to New Mexico. Mike and I moved to Magnolia. I started a teaching position at McCullough Junior High.
Unlike our usual custom, Halloween costumes were not requested in February this year. October arrived and the mere mention of trick-or-treating was a whisper. As the week of October 31 neared, we decorated with pumpkins and fall colors, but again costumes were ignored.
What's up with that? you may ask.
Well, Hope decided she was ready to visit a haunted house. She would miss trick-or-treating (and still handed out candy to little ones when we got home), but she wanted to move on to bigger things.
Mike found a small haunted house that looked to be scary but not terrifying.
As we stood in line, I could feel my heart beating with anticipation. The four senior girls standing in front of us were screaming and nothing scary was happening, yet. What if I screamed and the kids did not? Would that be embarrassing? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out. Hope had on a brave face and told everyone she was not the least bit scared.
We entered the first room to pay the entry fee and the sweetest picture was right next to me: Jacob standing right behind Hope with his hands protectively on her shoulders. He was ready to be her knight-in-shining-armor without even being asked.
When we entered the next room, the thrill began. Hope was always right behind Jacob with his shirt in a death-grip; she later denied this. The pitch-black hallways with actors lurking were thrilling especially getting to see it through the eyes of my 10-year-old. As we exited the haunted house, the chainsaw guy was desperately trying to start his saw with no luck. Hope was ready to go again!
As a child and an adult,
I love to be outside.
You'd never guess that by being the temperature in my room at school.
I love growing plants,
being in the sunshine,
feeling free when the wind is blowing and I close my eyes.
I can be anywhere I dream to be.
The stresses and difficulties just wash off of me.
I remember sitting in the courtyard of the hotel we stayed in in Rome. I was sitting in the sun reading a play by Shakespeare. I remember the smells: the roses blooming not too far from me, the garlic from the soup from lunch. I also remember the night I needed someone to talk to -- to love. I sat in the courtyard and cried.
Like driving through a crystal forest, this mornings trip to work was filled with sunlight, sparkling off the newly rain washed leaves. With trees lining the road, the branches arching over the lane, the slight wind shaking the twigs, light dances and pranced around me. Curved lanes fill my line of vision with crystals of sunlight so that it was as if it was raining diamonds. (March 3, 2023)
Houston Rodeo
It's our first time.
What will we do?
Get our tickets
weeks before the event.
Plan our day.
How much time do we really need?
Buy a cowgirl hat
and cowgirl boots.
Ask for advice on things to see.
Discover there's a wine garden.
And beer!
Visit the vendors.
Peruse the ag projects.
Pet the livestock.
Walk a lot!
See Zach Brown in concert
and dance the night away?
Today, I sat next to my friend at a high school baseball game. Two games, in fact. Denise has been my friend for over twenty years. We met when her oldest son Ivan and my son Jacob played flag football at the age of five. Then, six. And tackle at 7. Denise's husband was the coach, and my husband helped. We all became good friends.
I don't get to see Denise very often. Both our sons are almost 30 years old now. Today though, I sat down next to her, and it was as if no time had passed since our last encounter. It was as if we had just seen each other yesterday. We picked up right where we left off. It's one of the things I love about Denise. She is open and easy to talk with. She's genuine.
Initially, my husband and I were at the baseball game to see Denise's youngest son pitch, even though he pitched yesterday. So truly, we were there to see Denise, to catch up with each other, to spend time with a good friend, to keep her company, and to enjoy a day in the sun.
Today was a wonderful day! It was spent with a true friend doing what we all love!
"Mom, I have to tell you that you were right." That's how the phone call from Hope began this evening. Breathless, she explained how she could hear a lot of cat noise under her house. A mama cat had gone into the basement and given birth to five kittens.
Early this morning, she began hearing a lot of meowing and other noises. Initially, she thought it was something outside, maybe a stray trying to get into her house to aggravate her male cat. Hope has two cats: Woof and Puppy. Puppy is the male and is almost 9 months old. He has begun to show his feisty dominance when animals from outdoors approach the windows. As the morning stretched out and Hope was getting ready for work, she decided the noises were coming from under her home.
She has this huge metal cover that acts as a door to her basement. This metal contraption is 4-5 feet wide and at least 10 feet long. It is super heavy. It lays over the stairs that go down into the basement. When Hope first moved in, she had me helping. One of the things I told her was she needed to have the door cut so that it would lay flush with the concrete border. I told her if she left it with that big gap that she would definitely have animals taking shelter under her home, possibly tearing stuff up. Her furnace and water heater are located there. We had a maintenance man scheduled, but she had rescheduled a couple of times and finally, decided to not have the man come out at all. She has now decided to have him come out as soon as possible.
She decided to go down into the basement and check out what was there. The mama cat and kittens were easy to gather up. Hope put them in the portable carrier she has and set them up in a kennel in her spare bedroom. They are all isolated from her two cats in case the mama cat hasn't been vetted. Hope has plans to take the little family to the vet in the next day or two. She has them on several waiting lists for rescues in her area. That way, they won't end up in a kill shelter. She is so proud to be taking care of this little cat family. I know God knew where to direct that little mama cat. He knew they would find safety with Hope.
I may have been right about the basement cover. More than that, I am proud of Hope and her huge heart.
Mike and I are true empty nesters now. Our children are grown, have graduated from college and grad school, live in their own homes, and have grown-up jobs. We moved to a new town due to my husband's job in July of '23. We are renting this duplex. It's small and easy to keep clean.
At 4:10, my cell rings daily. It's my husband, asking what I am doing. Of course, I am usually still with students and desperately trying to get as much done in those last moments of the day as possible. It is amazing how quickly my mind works when I have those quiet moments (or at least, moments where students are occupied). I can accomplish so much.
When I arrive home, I am greeted with the smell of a home-cooked meal, permeating our little home. Mousse and Maggie and Paddy meet me at the door, wanting to go outside, our usual routine. After the twenty minute drive home, this is my time to relax. I put on sweats and a tee. Dinner is ready so we both sit at the table to eat. We speak about our day, but sometimes, we just eat in silence. Mike usually cleans up the kitchen while I finish eating. This is a new thing. He seems to want to do it all.
Recently, I have begun walking in the evening. The sun is out longer so it is a nice time to be outside. Not too hot.
We usually end up in the living room, searching the channels for something to watch. Mike is on his phone: email, TikTok, YouTube, whatever keeps his attention. We talk periodically but are mostly silent, in our own bubble. Eventually, we make our way to our room to sleep.
Are we the old couple now? Is this as exciting as it gets? Is this our new normal?
I knew the March SOL Challenge was coming. I signed up and had several story ideas ready. Then, life happened.
Lately, that means I am super tired. Plus, after the MRI, I was told I have three fractures/broken bones in my left foot. "Don't put any weight on it." Easier said than done.
Today, I got a sub for school. I had a CT scan as the final test to determine whether or not my foot will need surgery. I also went to urgent care to check on this cough and tightness in my chest I have. Doc says it may be covid. Ugh. What next?
Better late than never, right? I am getting in a groove tonight.
Cardinals mate for life. Can you imagine? These small, wild animals create a bond and work together until they die. They are protected by law, as well. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 bans the sale of cardinals as caged birds. They were once popular because of their beautiful color and distinctive sound.
During spring break, I visited a shop that was closing down. This shop has been a huge part of my life and the community for almost 30 years. It is sad to see them close their doors for the final time.